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 king of the castle, tag: nagito/penny!
jensen ward
 Posted: Apr 29 2017, 08:26 PM
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he never wants to strip down to his feelings...

Jenny basically slammed the door open to his hotel room, not even sure if anyone was following him, hands angrily fumbling for a cigarette.

He couldn't believe this. He'd lost his entire sense of cool on that stage, and the chances of anyone taking him seriously now were near zero. He'd given a worse speech than Homer fucking Simpson, and that man didn't know to put his own name into his written speech! Everything he wanted to work for would go down the drain, all because he couldn't just get out of his own way!

He went onto the balcony and angrily lit a cigarette, taking a puff and letting his eyes fall downwards. There were people wandering around outside, one of whom looked a bit like Chloe, her red hair billowing in the wind as she took aside people to interview. Jenny sighed, the smoke dissipating in the unusual Scottish breeze. It played with his hair in a somewhat soothing way, but his body was still coursing with adrenaline and hatred. He couldn't believe that woman in the front row - he recognized Mrs. Lovejoy as a Moral Majority idiot who thought he was the literal embodiment of Satan. He didn't need her fake pity. She would be happy if he died and rid the Ministry of whatever gay scourge she'd made up.

Jenny, after a moment, suddenly felt himself flush in embarrassment. Oh God, he'd just blustered out of there without -

He turned around, and, once he saw that Nagito followed him, he calmed down, turning back to look at what was happening below. He didn't want to know how angry Nagito was at him. Jenny was trying so hard with the therapist, but nothing seemed to be easing the strong knot in his chest. It didn't really matter what he did - everything that happened to him happened because he wasn't more careful about the things he cared about. Nagito was progressing back to normal finally, but Jenny felt lost in a swamp, and the more he acknowledged, the worse he felt. He didn't even know how to identify what he wanted in life anymore, and while he still slept beside Nagito, the thought of touching him both terrified and relieved him. He didn't know what to do anymore.

"...I fucked this up."

@Nagito Komaeda - carly rae legend why :sobs:


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Nagito Komaeda
 Posted: Apr 29 2017, 09:06 PM
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@jensen ward

I know this fire brings me pain

Nagito's chest was absolutely aching.

Jensen's speech was... disjointed. He'd done his best! He'd done so well, so well put together, if obviously.... passionate, but then... Ugh. He didn't know who that woman was, but he'd been sitting a few seats to her right. He didn't see what she'd done, but Jenny had gotten so upset - he didn't do that... right? That wasn't normal for him, even if he was talking about something so sensitive. So it must have been her fault, she must have done something to hurt him or freak him out. So he'd pointedly looked at her, which was about the only thing he could do, at least at that second. He would have loved to talk to her and tell her off afterward, but Jenny had bolted out immediately after getting off the platform.

He was so upset. Nagito had never seen him like that. It was all he could do to keep up with him - he'd had to stop once he knew where he was heading - his chest was hurting for Jenny, but he'd be lying if he said his lymphoma wasn't affecting him right now as well. It was fended back thanks to all the potions Baymax and Sulli had given him, but trying to run after someone definitely made his lungs feel like they were on fire again. Luckily, however, the hotel wasn't far, and after catching his breath he'd followed up the rest of the way, taking the elevator and cautiously stepping into the room and locking it behind him.

Jenny was coming back from the cool air of the outside when Nagito got in. Hed been smoking. As much as he knew he should be upset because he was doing something so dangerous, Nagito's expression immediately softened - God, he was hurting so much. He needed to help, to ease what all was on his mind...

He smiled slightly, going to take Jenny's hand. "It's okay, Babe, do you want to talk about it?-"

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jensen ward
 Posted: May 7 2017, 09:11 PM
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he never wants to strip down to his feelings...

Nagito looked a bit winded, but otherwise he was the same ethereal presence he'd always been. He closed the door behind him quietly and didn't comment on the cigarette, something that made Jenny a bit leery. He knew how much Nagito hated smoking. It made sense. He did have cancer, after all, and every time Jenny opened up a box, Nagito probably let a thousand thoughts about Jenny's nervous breakdown seep into his mind. Jenny didn't snuff out the cigarette right away, letting it dangle helplessly in his hand as he waited to hear what Nagito's response was.

Did he want to talk about it? Nagito reached for his hand; without thinking too much, Jenny gently batted it aside, turning around and snuffing out his cigarette against the balcony wall. A dark spot of ash burst onto the concrete. Jenny could've used the ashtray not two feet away, but he wasn't feeling particularly like following anyone's rules. He crossed his arms, blocking off any access Nagito might have to his body, before sighing. He knew that he couldn't hide much from Nagito.

"That woman in the front was Helen Lovejoy," Jenny told him. "She's the kind of person who tells other people that they need to raise her kids for her and protect them from any little unsavory thing. When I started talking about what happened to me, she fucking gasped. Like she doesn't want to see me suffering." Jenny made a noise, regretting that he'd gotten rid of his cigarette. The bent butt next to him looked thoroughly unappealing, though, so he let his eyes drift back to Nagito. He really did look so much better these days - his hand might always be a bit shaky and would certainly be scarred forever, but the color returned to his cheeks and he was putting weight back on again.

If only Jenny was worthy to be with the man before him. He was too dirty for that, but maybe he could pretend for a bit longer that Nagito couldn't do better than him.

"If I'd stayed on message, I might've gotten through some of those concrete skulls," Jenny admitted before pausing, looking at Nagito while biting his lip. "...I mean, you and I went through that speech how many times?"

Nagito Komaeda - oh god the batting away. here comes the tears.



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Nagito Komaeda
 Posted: May 7 2017, 10:10 PM
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I know this fire brings me pain

Jenny pulled away.

He batted at his hand, and turned away entirely.

Nagito felt his heart sever into two pieces. One dropped to the deepest pit of his stomach, and the other rose into his throat. He couldn't breathe, but it wasn't dramatic - he felt lightheaded, but he wasn't going to cause another inconvenience by gasping for air and making a fool of himself. Why should he? He should just die already, after all, right?

Jenny let his hands fall after a minute when he turned back, but Nagito could see the upset in his eyes. He was angry at him. He'd doNE something - he'd done something terrible. Was it that he overstepped his boundaries? Or did he not react like he should have earlier?

He shouldn't have even followed him here. That was it, wasn't it? He fucked it up, he should have just let him be alone, and now he hated him, and wanted to break up. Didn't he? He'd say it any second now- Nagito was getting too clingy, too much of a handful to deal with. He was always too much.

Jenny brought up Helen Lovejoy, answering the question he'd asked - and then asking his own. Nagito didn't mean to - or at the very least he wouldn't have if he weren't so wrapped up in his own head - but he gave a derisive snort, readjusting his jacket as he started to turn back for rhe door. Why should he even stay, if he'd made him mad for following? He swallowed thr lump in his throat, trying to ignore the fact that he couldn't see the door for the watering in his eyes. How fucking shameful. "Well, you know, trash like me wouldn't know what to really look for, would they?" His voice was in a now-alien, forced chipper tone to try to soften the curtness of what he'd said. It probably didn't work. "After all, we just don't know when we're not wanted, do we?"

He stopped. God, damn it - what was he doing? His hand was resting in the doorknob. What would happen when he opened this door? He was afraid of the answer he knew: Jenny wouldn't follow him.

That hurt.

"I'm sorry, I - I'm so fucking stupid, He deflated visibly, the lump rising again. He'd fucked it up now- if Jenny wasn't mad then, he wouldbe now; he'd be thrown out for sure. He needed to fix this - god fucking damn it. "I'm sorry - I just, I'm sorry. I don't know why I said that, you weren't meaning that, I'm just, trash and I know it, and I shouldn't have touched you when I'm so terrible-"

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jensen ward
 Posted: May 9 2017, 09:04 PM
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he never wants to strip down to his feelings...

Jenny didn't think he'd done anything weird at all. He wasn't really thinking, honestly, his mind swallowed up by how badly he'd destroyed his credibility. The anger pulsing through his system wasn't subsiding, and the idea that those holier-than-thou assholes pitied him somehow just made his hands tremble. God, he should've kept that cigarette. He didn't want to start another, though, because he knew how much it worried Nagito. The poor thing worried enough as it was. He deserved to be somewhat carefree, for once. What Jenny wouldn't give for them to be back in Santa Barbara, back by the beach, playing with the sand between their toes and going to fancy restaurants with shitty clientele and trying on clothes in the fast fashion outlets and sleeping whenever it suited them -

"Well, you know, trash like me wouldn't know what to really look for, would they?"

Nagito's voice was painfully bitter. He could barely affect a fake happiness, going for the door. Jenny felt himself gulp, suddenly confused. Nagito had been so good about his self-esteem before Ed went and ruined his life. Jenny knew healing his psychological wounds would take much longer to do than healing his physical maladies, but this seemed unprompted. Just a few seconds ago, he was soft and ready to help. Jenny narrowed his eyes. "You'd have a better idea of what people want to hear than me..." It sounded so uneasy, like he didn't know how to respond to such a vehement assertion. Jenny bit his lip. "Why are you calling yourself 'trash' again? You aren't trash, you know you're not..."

Nagito's hand was on the door as he spat out that trash didn't know when it wasn't wanted.

Oh. This was how it was. Jenny felt something snap apart inside of him. He knew, from the moment Nagito woke up after that days-long sleep, that things had changed. Jenny wanted to believe they hadn't changed that much, but he could tell from the way Nagito's eyes widened that he'd admitted something he didn't want to admit.

'Trash' wasn't referring to himself.

Nagito tried to wheel it back, to his credit. He tried to make it about him, tried to pretend that the trash here was him just being him, his adorable old self, the same pinup model waiting to be picked up in a dive bar. Right. Jenny, driven by a spike of vindictiveness, took out another cigarette, making a show of lighting it. "Oh no, Nagito, thank you. I was wondering how long it would take you to admit it." The smoke was acrid, but Jenny ignored it completely, letting the lit cigarette dangle from his lips without so much as a puff.

Jenny knew he was garbage. He couldn't bring himself to touch the man he loved, out of fear of ruining him, and Nagito had just confirmed everything his therapist insisted was wrong. Nagito didn't want him. Who would want someone so dirty anyways? Jenny would never be able to find anyone who wouldn't blame him for all of this, and honestly, Jenny still wasn't sure that he wasn't to blame. He should've been more careful, shouldn't have locked himself up with dementors to get used to them, shouldn't have done this or that or the other thing...

"Don't lie. I'm not good for anything anymore," Jenny muttered. "As if today didn't prove that in abundance. You can go if you want. I wouldn't be surprised."

Nagito Komaeda - jesus this hurts already.



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Nagito Komaeda
 Posted: May 9 2017, 09:46 PM
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((Rated M for suicidal ideation))
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jensen ward
 Posted: May 9 2017, 10:20 PM
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he never wants to strip down to his feelings...

"Is this it then?"

Jenny didn't want it to be. God, no, he never wanted to lose this man. But this charade just hurt. The more Nagito tried to make it about himself, the more Jenny felt bile rising in his throat. He wanted to throw up, he was so agitated by this. He'd become aware recently that he had little to offer a man of Nagito's age and stature - Nagito would recover. His hand would always not work entirely properly, and the demons of Azkaban would haunt him, but he would be able to go outside and love the sunshine and trust other people and entrance people with those huge eyes and his soft voice. Jenny had been destroyed. He didn't think his reputation could sink more, but seeing the way people tiptoed around him made it clear how wrong he was. He was a broken man, one who should've died so many times before and was probably being kept alive as some cruel joke by whatever higher power existed.

"Oh, knock it off," Jenny spat at Nagito when he waved his hand around. Like vomit and Ed stabbing him would change how much he loved him. He just thought Nagito would be less... shallow. He saw the way Nagito looked at him every time he tried to shower without clothes and ended up defaulting to some covering, or the way Nagito held his tongue when yet another night passed without a kiss on the cheek or anything more intimate than light cuddling. He needed something Jenny was terrified to give to him, because if this man got any more darkened by his filth...

Nagito was practically sobbing, screaming, asking if everything he ever said was a lie. If it was all for control. Jenny felt himself suck in a lungful of tobacco in sheer, unmitigated anger. "You better be fucking joking right now, I swear to God don't you dare say that!" He didn't even bother stamping out the cigarette, tossing out into the street below and going into the room, closing the glass door to the balcony loudly as he continued ranting. "I thought I could trust you enough to tell you these things, but I guess I should've realized the second I got boring and broken and sad, you'd run off, but God, you held out a long-ass time! Tell me, how long have you viewed me as a piece of shit? Since you haven't been able to get fucked every time you so much as twitch?" Jenny sat down on the bed, glaring at him as a twisted smile crossed his face. "I know I'm worthless, but Jesus, I wanted to believe that you thought better of me than... it doesn't fucking matter."

Jenny deflated, his eyes turning to his feet as Nagito hysterically asked what he was to him. "...you're a god." Jenny frowned, not daring to look at him, arms gripping his sides uneasily. "And you know it. You can drop this self-loathing bullshit. I know you're talking about me with this trash shit. I'm not a moron." He pinched the bridge of his nose, glasses riding up his face and his eyes squinting together as he desperately tried not to let the weight of this hit him. This was probably it. Nagito wouldn't put up with this. He shouldn't put up with this. He should find someone good, someone pure and wholesome and lovely and befitting of his incredible personality. Not some fucked-up whore.

"I think I told you once that I'd be here... I'd be here as long as you wanted me?" Jenny gestured towards the door. "...now's your chance, you can be free. Find someone who can actually give you everything you deserve."

Nagito Komaeda - BRB CRYING MY EYES OUT FUCK


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Nagito Komaeda
 Posted: May 10 2017, 12:33 AM
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jensen ward
 Posted: May 18 2017, 11:50 PM
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Nagito Komaeda
 Posted: May 19 2017, 12:47 AM
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jensen ward
 Posted: May 19 2017, 01:24 AM
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Nagito Komaeda
 Posted: May 19 2017, 12:22 PM
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jensen ward
 Posted: May 22 2017, 11:17 PM
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Nagito Komaeda
 Posted: May 23 2017, 01:14 PM
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